Inside | invisiblyreal's Blog
The harsh sunlight beat down on him as he was returning home. The day had been long and hard and all he could think about was getting home. The screams still sounded in his ears and even though it was boiling, his blood was ice cold. Days like today, were days in which he would forget his own name. Perhaps, he thought, there was nothing to call someone such as himself.
The walk to this point on the road had taken hours and he still had hours to go. The road was a slick black snake lying between fields of wheat and corn, slithering in the heat. He sighed and wiped his brow, flashes of happy memories flooded in with each pulsating wave of heat that knocked into him. Gone was the grip of ice cold terror as he recalled his beloved and his children. He could almost hear them calling out his name "Simon"
He sat down on the side of the road for a while, resting for just a few moments and hoping that a car would come past. The stillness about him made him uneasy, the peace and quiet wasn't what he was used to after the months of being in a battlefield. Everything had stayed the same but he had changed - the meaning of life and what it means to live was different to what it used to mean.
The breeze blew hot air in his face and he took it as a sign to carry on walking. Questions started to arise in his mind. Would things still be the same when he got home? How big have his children gotten? Was the really old cat still around? The ache in his heart worsened as more and more questions arose, questions that could only be soothed when he got home.
Every step forward brought both hope and worry - the knowledge that he would be closer to home and the dread that things could have changed. The road kept winding and the heat was growing as it reached the middle of the day. The two conflicting emotions eventually surfaced and he broke down crying, it was all just too much to take in, that it was finally over. It seemed to unreal, too much like a dream to be true. He thought that soon he'd wake up back on the battle field with but a photograph of home.
The tears poured from his face, seemingly pulling forth the tears he never shed while out on the battlefield. He cried for his youth, he cried for his love, he cried for the lives of his fellow soldiers and he cried for the men he had killed. Everything came crashing down around him on this road home.
The silence gave way to the sound of a car approaching. Wearily, he picked himself off the ground and wiped at the still descending tears. The car stopped before him and he walked over to speak to the driver. The windows were tinted and he couldn't see anything inside until the driver rolled down the window.
"Do you need a lift? There isn't anything down this road for a long way."
The man speaking was irritated but was trying to be polite.
"Please, if you don't mind" Simon sounded defeated and emptied out.
The passenger door opened and Simon got in. He noticed that there was a girl lying with her head on another man's lap on the back seat. She murmured something and moved about in her sleep and the man whispered to her "shhh" Her face seemed familiar, he deduced that she must have been in one of his 'visions' that have been coming to pass.
"Kyle, could you please go a bit faster? She needs to have her meds soon and I'm all out." called the man from the backseat.
"Just shut up! You've been going on about her medication for the past two hours, I'm sure she'll be just fine if she takes them a bit later than usual. Besides, Richard, we have to drop this gentleman off," Kyle paused, "uhm where is it you stay?"
"About an hour's drive from here," Simon replied, deep in thought.
Richard groaned, his concern and impatience getting to him.
Suddenly Simon realized where he knew the girl from, the memory came flooding in:
It was in the middle of the war and he needed to speak to the general but he was busy speaking to someone else in the room, the door was slightly ajar and he could hear all he was saying.
"You see my dear sister, this whole operation was to gain control and take what is rightfully mine. People live to serve, its their purpose in life, but some, like me are the ones they have to serve. People need to be told what to do and how to do things, they don't know any better and it makes things easier if they don't know that they have control over their lives. Imagine the chaos if each person knew what they wanted and the power they possessed. No my deary, I have to be the one to tell them how to live their lives. I was born to rule over everyone. It is my destiny."
Through the gap in the door Simon could see the general lifting up the head of a girl, lifting her from her seat and dragging her limp body towards his desk. He caught a glimpse of her face and saw that her stare was vacant and there were bruises all over her stick thin body.
"See all my plans? Its beautiful and all of it shall be mine... Just you shut up, okay? I never asked for your opinion, so shut the hell up!"
From there the general let go of his sister and started pacing, shouting for someone to shut up when all that could be heard was the general's voice alone.
Simon snapped back to reality and looked over at the girl, she seemed so peaceful just laying in Richard's lap, far from her insane brother who would soon rule the country. He had heard stories about her, that she was possessed by demons and that she was a complete lunatic but seeing her now made him think otherwise. He knew what the kind of trauma she must have been through could cause, he had seen the catatonia in her eyes plain and clear. In his mind he ran a list of symptoms and treatments for catatonia and then halted halfway realizing that his life had been consumed by the war. Med-school was just a distant dream that never got finished.
Richard shot him a protective glare when he saw Simon staring at her.
"You should tell her," Simon said to him.
"Tell her what?"
"I see the way you look at her, you should..."
"What? Tell her that everything will be ok? Because the way things are going she might have a breakdown from not having her medication," Richard interrupted loudly, glancing over at Kyle and back at Simon. Simon took a moment to understand the nonverbal signals that Richard didn't want Kyle to know about his feelings for the girl.
"Give it a rest! God you're impossible! Next time you're driving and I'll whine about everything." Kyle was reaching the very last reserves of patience he had.
"Stop here please," Simon told Kyle.
"Here? But there's nothing here."
"I know my way from here, its not far to walk if I go through the fields."
"Alright" Kyle shrugged and stopped the car.
Simon got out and disappeared into the crops, losing himself in a maze of corn and thoughts.
Halfway between the road and his home, he stopped, suddenly filling with dread. Something didn't feel right but he pushed himself to keep going. He started running and fell to his knees when he found his house charred and burnt almost to the ground. Rage took over him and he pounded at the ground with his fists. This had been no accident, someone had planned this. He should have known that this is what he'd find when he saw the smoke coming from the direction of his house a few days ago.
Before now he only wanted to live peacefully and quietly but something inside of him ripped open, he had to fix this somehow. The grief was overwhelming but it had struck a chord - too many have died in vain just so a psycho could satisfy his need for power and control. His whole life he had been living in the shadows, the time had arrived where he would have to lead others into the light. His vengeance would be insufferable kindness, for he knew that to stoop to their level would only cause more pain and suffering.
The question is: how can he make himself known so that he could outshine the victor?
The fact that all he had gone through and just ended up with nothing and no one to live for, hollowed out his soul. Purpose and meaning couldn't be made from it unless he did something, but how could he do something with a broken soul, damaged mind and no reason to carry on?
He closed his eyes and lay in the remains, waiting for a reason, a message, for anything. The sun set and night took over, the air turning cold and wrapping him in the embrace of death's daughters and the lost souls.
The car pulled up in front of a big mansion and as it halted Nicky's eye's opened wide. Without a word she sat up and looked around, her eyes getting even bigger from fear - the shadows were everywhere and she couldn't escape them.
Kyle got out first and opened her door, she bolted without a moment's hesitation. The gate at the bottom of the driveway was closing and she had to get out, get away from the shadows that lingered here, the ones that whispered tales of terror and the horrors of humanity. She looked over her shoulder briefly and saw Richard arguing with Kyle before she sped up, heading straight for the closing gate. The guards tried to stop her but she slipped from their hands, through the gates and she continued running down the road.
She kept running until she couldn't breathe, only then did she turn to see if the shadows had followed like they always did. There were no shadows in sight, just fields upon fields of wheat and corn that glinted gold in the last rays of the sun.
She turned to face the sun, soaking in its flaming orange beams. Rose petals floated down all around her from the beams. She could feel them, smell them and touch them but she knew that they weren't really there - just as the shadows weren't really either - yet still she responds to them as if they were. Colors were more vivid and 'real' when she was in a state and even though there were new dangers that didn't truly exist, she found she could be left in absolute wonder of the beauties that weren't truly there, longing for everyone else to see those things that her mind conjured up.
The sun burst into a million sparks that flew up into the sky and a silver bird unfurled its wings and flew off, unveiling the moon and everything else faded into a nothingness - this is how night would always appear to her, before she had been forced to take her pills, before she had been shut in the isolated room. She shuddered remembering being trapped in her cell, the long periods of being unwilling and unable to move and of the visits she received from her brother, she had missed seeing the sky, sunset, sunrise and the bright moon.
Unexpectedly, the silver moon bird came to her. It landed right in front of her, glowing faintly and singing its sweet melody, it was tiny and could fit into her palm. She bent down and held out her hand to it, letting it hop onto her finger. It flapped its wings and turned around calling out for something or someone. She followed its gaze into the dark nothingness and saw a trail of light appear, leading somewhere.
Not sure of what to do, she wandered into the fields just following the light. She didn't care if all of this was purely her imagination, there was a reason she was seeing what she was, she just knew it. Many times before a trail of imagined light had brought her to safety or to a place she felt she was destined to be.
She kept going until the light faded away and then she stopped, somewhere in the middle of a field, lost. The bird called out once more before disappearing into thin air. She was about to panic when she heard the low mutters of someone talking to themselves. Concentrating on the sound, she navigated her way out of the fields towards the voice.
The muttering soon turned to sobs and she called out tentatively, "He-hello?"
"Go away. Just leave me be. What more do you want from me?" came the angry response.
"I'm sorry, but I'm lost. The shadows, they were everywhere and... And... I had to get away. I ran as fast as I could and now I don't know where I am..." she bit down on her lip, realizing how scared she actually was.
"Well, I don't even know where I am anymore either - so it looks like we are both lost," his tone softened when he heard her voice trembling.
It got colder suddenly and she shivered, the clothes she had on did not provide much in terms of warmth. "Where are you? It's a dark and I'm frightened."
"Hey, it's alright. Just follow my voice and I will stay by you until dawn. Why don't you tell me your name?" he gently called out to her, his voice a bit choked by the tears he had been crying.
She stumbled about in the darkness, eventually bumping into him and he steadied her. "It's alright, I won't hurt you," he whispered as he pulled her to sit down beside him.
She cleared her throat and said, 'My name is Nicky."
Silence enveloped them, but she felt quite comfortable with the stranger. Her entire life she had to deal with strangers, never really knowing anyone and he didn't seem all that bad compared to some she had come across. Every now and again, she'd reach out and touch his arm just to reassure herself that he was there. Each time she touched him, he seemed to get startled by her presence. Soon she drifted off to sleep, too exhausted to dream.
The sun's rays warmed her as she awoke at dawn. She was covered in ash, every inch of her was grey and black. Next to her Simon was the same, she almost didn't see him as he blended into the ground but the rise and fall of his body as he breathed revealed him to her. His face was tear stained and she guessed that he had been crying the whole night through. Even in his sleep he looked tired, worn and scarred.
A gust of wind blew, carrying the ash into the air and when the wind died away, the ash came down like the glitter in the few snow-globes she had seen. The surrounding area was the embodiment of death and despair but with the orange-pink sky and the ash raining down around her, she was filled with amazement and wonder - this time it was something real that was happening, she wasn't imagining any of it and it was beautiful.
Wanting to share the moment, she gently shook Simon awake. He was about to make a fuss when he saw the look of sheer awe on her face. To him she looked as if she was made of solid silver and the sky was raining tiny silver flecks. The sun was rising from behind her and she seemed to be glowing. For a few brief moments he forgot all his pain and just marveled at how everything was around him - a colorful sky raining silver, fields of golden crops and a woman made from a precious metal.
It was all so surreal and only lasted a few moments until Nicky became just a girl covered with ash and the fields were just of wheat and the sky was it's usual daytime blue. Nicky seemed to be deep in thought and this piqued Simon's curiosity. She had just started chewing on her bottom lip when he interrupted her train of thought, "What is it?"
"Hmm? Oh. Well, its just that seeing something like this usually means I've missed taking my meds but you saw it too, so... But I guess I'm still not right. They had to take me back to the institution a week ago to get me out of.... My... State," she looked down at her feet, embarrassed by her thoughts, "if my brother had been there on one of his visits, I would have still been there. It's really a blessing that they took me out of that place, even if the person who is housing me has an ulterior motive."
"I'm sure Richard doesn't have an ulterior motive," Simon tried to comfort her.
"Richard? No, it doesn't seem like he has. I don't see why he is helping me, it just doesn't make sense. Kyle is the one who has other motives than helping me. I'll let him have his way because I just can't go back..." she shuddered.
Silence enveloped them again and they were both left to their thoughts. The air surrounding them was becoming warmer and heavier, almost like a blanket was being pulled tighter and tighter around them. Nicky turned about slowly, trying to see if she could spot a path or a road. There was nothing but the fields and the massive ash covered ground before them. She sighed and sat down. Simon stared at her for a while, wondering if she was the sign he had been waiting for, the full embodiment of his new found purpose.
She looked up at him staring at her and asked him, "So, what now?"
"I suppose I should take you back to where you are supposed to be. I know I probably am not in the position to ask for favors, but do you think you could get me a place to stay?"
There was a slight glint in her eye and a small wicked smile flashed across her face for only a second before she gently nodded her head and smiled warmly and broadly, "Sure, I'll try my best."
He held out his hand and helped her off the ground. He took her hand in his own and said softly, "The fields get very confusing, this is the only way I know for sure you're right behind me. I promise I'm not trying anything with you."
With that he turned and pushed through the wheat, dragging Nicky for a few seconds as she got over her initial shock of his sudden movements. The wheat went on and on and there was nothing else aside from the brief moments in which she could see the whole of Simon's back.
Eventually he pulled her out onto the road, with the gate back to Kyle's mansion not too far ahead. Nicky looked at Simon in amazement and he simply shrugged and told her it came from years of walking through these fields. Finally, after years of wondering what was beyond those gate, and all because of the girl, he has the chance to get inside.
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Previous PostsFor all those people who actually read my blogs, posted March 18th, 2014
Words, posted September 11th, 2013
Bottled up, posted January 18th, 2013
The dance, posted December 31st, 2012
Inside, posted November 18th, 2012
Relief, posted October 1st, 2012, 1 comment
Trapped, posted September 30th, 2012, 1 comment
Words of the broken lover, posted September 27th, 2012
Duality and things perceived, posted September 23rd, 2012
Breaking down, posted September 13th, 2012
My prayers for today alone, posted September 11th, 2012, 1 comment
The sickness (small fragment of the story which I accidently started), posted September 8th, 2012
The witch, posted September 7th, 2012, 1 comment
A farewell, posted August 9th, 2012, 1 comment
My destiny awaits me., posted July 23rd, 2012
Where to now?, posted June 27th, 2012, 1 comment
The anger that went to sleep, posted June 22nd, 2012
I am impossible to please, posted June 21st, 2012, 1 comment
Among the autumn leaves, posted May 7th, 2012
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